Sunday, April 29, 2007
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Counter Stats
cars Counter
Starbucks,Me and the empty space
Why I feel that sad…Why I feel so depressed…. Isnt it my decision ? I am the one who wanted all that time to break up with him…why now I feel sad…Oh God…do I love him that much ? I tried many times to make it up…to find a way…to make him understand …oh God he doesn’t understand my jealousy is only becos I love him…I cant stop being jealous …I tried hard but I cant…I was afraid to lose him and I did…. all the time I was afraid…and it happened…I lost him……he was stressed and me too…we know ..both of us know its impossible to go on…why does it hurt so much like that…is it the memory? Is it the missing…? Or the fear of being lonely again ? Why do I feel pity for him ? why do I care ? who is gonna make his coffee in the morning?...who is gonna wake him up ? who is gonna talk to him at the evening ? How he will tie his shoes ? and his cigarettes…who is gonna look for his eyeglasses..he always forgets them…. Will he go to the dentist to fix his broken tooth ? oh God what are these feelings inside me… he didn’t even see my new underwear which I bought for him…its his favourite white colour…. Who is gonna be there on his birthday….Oh God…I am gonna be crazy….he was always bad to me…he always treated me not good…maybe becos he was frustrated? Maybe becos he was stressed or problems at work ? come on Don’t look for execuses for him…No I am not looking for execuses… I just miss him…You are cazy ?...you better stay away from him…this isn’t gonna work and you know it… both of you know it…you meet talk then one hour later both of you fight… he has a stubborn personality…and you too…is it love? Does he love me to a degree that he wants to destroy me …is there that kind of love ? I don’t understand if he loves me or hates me or what ? I have no idea…. I tried to make him happy… I tried my best…but its obvious my best wasn’t enough… oh God I miss him so much….
Yesterday I passed by Starbucks…. I didn’t need anything….even coffee…just killing the time after work…I was just hoping to see him there…or even passing by…. he was not…I got my coffee and sat at the last table outside…Oh if you just know how much I love you…. How much I miss you…I still can smell your perfume on my clothes ,in my nose…I still feel the wrinkles in your hand when I hold it…when I close my eyes I still can see your smile and the few white hair that started to crawl into your temples…Oh God I am gonna be cazy…. How long I haven’t seen him now ? over one month…I just hope he is ok… I am just hoping to see him passing by… I hold myself… not to sms him …how much I long to dial his number and say hi…. Will I see him again ? I waited and waited but he never showed up… why I am disappointed…he didn’t promise me to meet him here…he doesn’t even know that I am here… Oh God helps me …make me strong… when I remember him I cant stand on my feet…. I feel cold…I better go home…my room is my world since I left his house… I go to the same routine…hold his photo and cry…cry till I fell asleep… Does he remember me ? whats he doing now ? Oh God I better go home…
A phone call
woke up on the sound of my phone ringing…panicked…scared…still sleeping…what time is it now? Oh God its still dark…must be
I am sorry man I just cant ask anyone for help except you.. I am really sorry…
No need for apologies just tell me whats going on ? I said and inside myself I damn the day I had friends who call
Jeff are you there ? said my friend
Yeah I am here …just go on whats wrong?
You aren’t sleeping are you ? he said
Jesus Nick you woke me up to ask if I am sleeping or not ,just say what made you call at this hour ?
I am sorry …I just don’t know anyone who…
Come on Nick …
Ok …I guess I have a problem…
…I am silent waiting to hear him and I hope he had a good reason…
yes I had a big problem…I guess I am sick…and I am in Kalimantan now…and I am afraid to come to Jakarta…
Dear…you are not making any sense..what kind of sickness and why you are afraid to come to Jkt ? I really don’t understand…
I said trying to push the laziness away and force my sleepy eyes to stay open…
You don’t understand ,do you? I am afraid to meet my gf if I come to jkt becos she will know…and I don’t know how to explain…
Explain what ? everybody gets sick…I said to myself waiting for him to hang out so I can sleep….
Well I don’t see any problem…I started to talk but he interrupted me …
Jeff I cant make love to her… I am sick…that’s why I am calling you to help me
Hold on…what kind of sickness…are you sexually sick?
Yes… he said as if I am helping him to talk….
Ok tell me what happened…?
Oh man…I got a girl two days ago..and after she left I had rash and my genetical area is red…I washed but it started tonight to have pain and yellow liquids coming out of me.. I don’t know what to do or where to go…
I see…ok calm down and listen to me…I said trying to calm him down…
You have to go in the morning to any lab and get blood and urine analysis then you take the results and go to any local hospital there…sure the doctor will know what to do…just don’t get panicked and you will be ok…
Are you sure…? It isn’t dangerous right ? I am afraid.. and I am shy to tell anyone…,
Just do what I have told you and stop having sex with anyone you can give them infections and you better find any execuse for you girlfriend…tell her you cant come now you are busy or something…
If you come she will get sick too and if you don’t make love to her she will have doubts…so you better stay there till you are ok…you got it ? I said
How long does it take man ?
From
Oh man that’s too long I cant find execuse for that long?
But you can find execuse not to keep yours inside your pants for God sake…Man I am gonna sleep I have work after a few hours …ok
Ok I am sorry really I am…
Ok np
Ok thx buddy good night
Good morning Nick
I said trying to go back to bed…oh God what a fool…
My Fav lyrics
Because of You
I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did
You fell so hard
I learned the hard way, to never let it get that far
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh
Every day of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I watched you die
I heard you cry
Every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry
In the middle of the night
Over the same damn thing
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I tried my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid
Because of you
Quando
Tell me when will you be mine
Tell me quando quando quando
We can share a love devine
Please don't make me wait again
When will you say yes to me
Tell me quando quando quando
You mean happiness to me
Oh my lover tell me when
Every moments a day
Every day seems a lifetime
Let me show you the way
To a joy beyond compare
I can't wait a moment more
Tell me quando quando quando
Say its me that you adore
And then darling tell me when
Every moments a day
Every day seems a lifetime
Let me show you the way
To a joy beyond compare
I can't wait a moment more
Tell me quando quando quando
Say its me that you adore
And then darling tell me when
Whoa lover tell me when
Oh darling tell me when
Oh come on tell me when
Yea tell me when
Westlife
SoledadIf Only You Could See The Tears
In The World You Left Behind
If Only You Could Heal My Heart
Just One More Time
Even When I Close My Eyes
There's An Image Of Your Face
And Once Again I Come To Realise
You're A Loss I Can't Replace
Soledad
It's A Keeping For The Lonely
Since The Day That You Were Gone
Why Did You Leave Me
Soledad
In My Heart You Were The Only
And Your Memory Lives On
Why Did You Leave Me
Soledad
Walking Down The Streets Of Nothingville
Where Our Love Was Young And Free
Can't Believe Just What An Empty Place
It Has Come To Be
I Would Give My Life Away
If It Could Only Be The Same
'cause I Can't Still The Voice Inside Of Me
That Is Calling Our Your Name
Time Will Never Change The Things You Told Me
After All We're Meant To Be
Love Will Bring Us Back To You And Me
If Only You Could See
DOWN WITH THE TV
The rain was falling heavily..the road was full of mud and it was unpaved what made driving the taxi a very hard job….I am tired…Oh God I just need to sleep and have a hot meal …I said to myself…I hope Mabrouka has cooked hot macaroni or anything to ease the pain in my stomach and the cold . the lights were too dim under the falling rain but thx God I am already home I just need to park the taxi and go inside…
“Good Evening … I am home…”
I said entering my little small 3 rooms house unable to drag my feet becos of tiredness and the mud.
“ You are home hun “
I heard her welcoming voice coming from the living room where she was sitting watching he old tv we have.
“Yeah have you got any food I am starving.”
“ Yeah just a minute I am listening to Gaddafi speech in the tv “ she said
. “oh woman can you just leave the TV and get me something to eat while I change my clothes ?”
I said going into the bathroom to take off my wet clothes and wash the mud away from my shoes.
The shower was very nice ,the water was hot and it really eased my back pain from sitting behind the taxi wheel all day long.
“Oh God you haven’t left that damn TV? Can u just bring me anything to eat woman, and close that TV?”
I yelled at her not believing that she preferred to watch the TV more than getting me some food and she has been my wife for more than 3 years now…I don’t recall what happened after that except me falling asleep while I was having my dinner I must have been very tired.The morning prayers were going on in the nearby mosque and I have to wash and run to pray and start the new day trip picking up customers and drop them to earn my living ,driving my old cab through the streets of Tripoli…the same routine everyday and every night ,comfortable with my simple life don’t disturb anyone and not wanting anyone to disturb my life …till one night two weeks later
“ Are you Ali “
I heard his harsh loud authoritative voice coming from the dark while I was ready to park my taxi in front of my house..
“Yes “ I said not sure what t say else and turning my head to see who is asking…. To my great surprise I found 5 big guys standing in the dark in front of my house…” why what happened .. is something wrong happened to my wife.” I added trying to overcome the worry inside me…
Good you just come with us….the same harsh voice ordered pulling me from my arm out of my taxi even before I were able to close the door
“Whats wrong sir? Who are you ? I asked regretting after that cos I found a very big hand falling on my face and very strong hands push me into a new fan parked on the other side of the street I saw it for the first time in my life….
A fter half an hour the car entered a very big building…everyday I pass that building but I don’t know what was it or whom did it belong to.. I just pass by not even care to know..
Oh my God there are lots of security here even if its too late….this must be a government building because I see photos for our leader everywhere…while he smiles,while he greets people,in his khaki uniform,or green one,or in his tribal clothes or African ,with his hair long,and his hair short,with eyeglasses ,sun glasses or without…My wife must have done something really bad or there is some mistake …I thought to myself and the terror started to overcome me and the pain from the hit on my face still hurts me….
“Put him inside till we come back to him” said a young man wearing the green uniform which all the revolutionary committee wear trying to follow on the steps of the Brother Gadhafi as we all call him.
The room was large,very large…it must have been bigger than my small house…and it has only one small electric bulb hanging onto the middle from the ceiling…an empty steel table and an empty chair…just one chair in this vast dark room….
I don’t know what to do after they closed the door…sit down or keep standing..it was cold and I am afraid..what will happen now…are they gonna hit me again? There must be a mistake…why I am here…I am afraid even to ask and ask who ? I am alone here and the door is closed..is this jail ? I don’t know I haven’t been to one before God helps me and I started to pray for His protection and for safety…If they had just let me see my wife or asked her what she had done ,it would have been a lot easier on my chest and not so afraid like that….
Two hours ,three hours or four I don’t remember passed like years ,I lost my sense of time,tired,cold,and afraid when I heard the key moving into the lock and the door wide open. I jumped on to my feet,I must have slept becos things are dim in my mind and I don’t even remember what is going on…
Two big guys stepped into the room followed by the young man who ordered them earlier to put me here…I was confused don’t know what to do..sit down again on the empty chair or wait or talk or what….
“So you are Ali” said the young man
‘Yes Sir,’ I murmured unable even to know my voice…
‘Whats your job?’
‘Taxi driver sir’
‘And is that taxi belongs to you or you just work on it?’
‘I bought it sir two years ago when I sold my wife’s gold which I bought when we married and my brothers helped me with the rest ‘
‘I see….’ He said shaking his head and a yellow smile on his lips which were thin under his young green moustache…he must be 17 or 18 years old I thought to myself…
“What do you think about our Brother Colonel Gadhafi? “
That question was the last thing in the world I could think they would ask me
“Nothing Sir”
“What do you mean Nothing?” He said with narrow small eyes moving up and forth
“I don’t understand Sir sorry”
“What ? he doesn’t understand ?” He yelled talking to the other two guys upon which they came closer to me
“What was that you don’t understand motherfucker ? “said one of the guys and I didn’t recall who hit me first ? this one or the other one? Was it on my head or on my back becos I couldn’t even see….the only thing I remember were that I was looking at big shoes…big black shoes….I must have fallen to the ground otherwise how could I see only their shoes..
“Put him on that chair “ said the young man…
I breathed heavily ,my swollen face hurts…all my body hurts…what the hell is going on…why….I am afraid I am drifting away…
“What do you think about Our Brother the Colonel ?” the question came to me as if I am in a dream…but very bad dream…whats my relation with the Brother or what I have to say I don’t know…
“Yes sir yes yes…”
“What do you think of him ? he repeated the same damn question and his face was very angry I guess
”He is …he is …yes he is our Brother “
“And ? “
“Our leader “
“And ? “
“And ?”
“Yes and ?”
I don’t know for God sake what you want me to say I am afraid not to talk they hit me again and afraid if I talked I don’t know what to say
“And…and…he is a good man right ?”
“Are you asking me ? I am the one who asks here ? “he shouted at me and again I saw only the black big shoes…Oh God all my body hurts ..what had my wife done and why they don’t punish her instead of me if she did something wrong….maybe they did I don’t know…and maybe becos I am her unlucky husband I take my share too I don’t know
“So ? what do you think ?”
“Yes sir ?”
“Yes sir what ?isnt he a good man ? “
“He is a good man sir ?”
I said not sure what to say ..if I said good or not good..which reply will make that young man happy and made his two big dogs not hit me again
“If he is a good man why you don’t love him bastard ?” that was fllwed by a big blow to my eye
“I love him sir I swear I love him yes he is a very good man “I said crying and trying to wipe my tears but I couldn’t becos my face hurts…and I am not sure if that were tears or blood I didn’t recall…
“Oh yeah so now you love him when you are here but at your house you close the TV and didn’t listen to his speech right ?”
“TV ? what TV ?”
Oh my God..that night when I was hungry my wife was lazy to make dinner…Oh God ..did she tell them that I closed the tv ?
“I didn’t close the tv sir ,,,I love our beloved leader I swear…my wife closed the TV….I didn’t close the TV…”
“Yes we know you asked her to close the TV we know also that you are capitalist becos you have money and you own a taxi… we know the rotten capitalists like you and what they do and how they want to destroy our achievements and the people revolution.” He said
“No sir …I love our Brother I didn’t close the TV I love the revolution …I love the people and I love the achievements”….I said…don’t even understand whats the meaning of capitalist he said or achievements or any word …my body hurts…my face bleeding….I am cold…I need to sleep or die or anything just go out of here…whats wrong now …do they arrest the people who switch off their TVs….whats the relation between the revolution and the TV…I don’t know and don’t even care to know ,I just want to go home….Home…my wife ! God she is the one who told them ! she betrayed me…why Mabrouka…you are my wife…I love you and we share life whether its good or bad…why ? I never knew that you work with these people…you didn’t even showed to me that you understand in these things which that boy is talking about…Home…I have no home now…why …what happened to me…
“Your wife is a good woman…”.he woke me up and took me back from my thoughts…”she told her neighbour who told us…” he continued…”if she didn’t talk innocently to the neighbour’s wife we wouldn’t know that you are an enemy of the People…”
Oh God I am here becos of women chit chat ? why Mabrouka you said that we switched off the fucking TV…why ? why?
I swear to God I will divorce you and sell the damn TV when I go out of here that’s if they let me go….Oh God help me…Live Our beloved Leader..Down with the TV…I found myself shouting with the highest tone I could have in my voice after all this torture…Long live our Leader…Down with the TV
A day in the life of a fool
A day in the life of a fool
A sad and a long, lonely day
I walk the avenue
And hope I run into
The welcome sight of you coming my way
I'll stop just across from your door
But, you're never home anymore
So there, in my room
And there, in my gloom
I'll cry, tears of good-bye
Till you come back to me
That's the way it will be
Everyday in the life of a fool.
A day in the life of a fool…a sad and long lonely day….the voice of Monica Mancini was streaming across the avenue… so sweet…so warm… so kind…I felt it hugs me…it takes me away from my world…the black coffee was lying dead in front of me on the far table at Coffee Bean…I don’t know why this song made me think of my life…what happened…and why ? am I really a fool..? or is it bad luck or just one of the games of destiny that was played and carried me away… the vision was not clear…still it isn’t now either….I am so influenced by this song that I am starting to write about myself as the biggest fool ever , I don’t think it’s a bad idea right? Cos when I started to think I discovered something weird…everyone has a fool inside…it comes out sometimes in a moment you are drifted away…not concentrating…or you act as a fool or the fool inside you is controlling you ..thats when the people agree that you are a fool and that’s exactly what is happening everywhere with everyone…I can be a fool in love…or in treating a friend…or in buying something…or even at work…and everyone does…
( with a special apology for the song…which is a very romantic love song tells a sad love story )
Bukit Bintang
Bukit Bintang in Kl is a very nice place to hang out… away from the foreigners who stream along the roads,it has a different taste…it has its glamour…starting from Café Leka Leka in front of Marriot Hotel down through the avenue star bucks,Kl Plaza,Segafredo with its Turkish style and sheisha,to Planet Hollywood with its Syrian food to BB Plaza at the far other end of the avenue…crooks…hookers…teenagers…shoppers…. Gays…all varieties of people…all nationalities also Malay,Europeans,Americans,Arabs and Philippinos…it’s a lovely arena for all activities whether you are looking to make business or shopping or just hanging out…
The First Cup café is in the heart of this activity…its located on the left of Starbucks…between the two entrances of BB Plaza and facing Bukit Bintang taxi stop..across the road there is the Ship night club and KFC and not far there is McDonald…so if you sit in this café you will be able to see the whole of KL because nobody visits Kl and doesn’t go to Bukit Bintang and passes in front of the 1st Cup Café…it’s the Café that makes you see the real life in KL… Africans scattered along the taxi stop or starbucks to look for a prey …a fool who has got money so they can cheat on him or sell him a dream and rob him of his money …Arabs looking for any kind of work at any restaurant or café or just selling Arabian rugs or Arabian perfumes called OUD…Philippinos prostitutes working all night at the Beach club and spending the morning shopping at BB Plaza…. Or just normal innocent goers like me who just enjoy watching the people and cant stop thinking about the real meaning of life…I love this place and I enjoy evey second I pass by or sit to have my breakfast or just drink coffee there…it has its magic..its fascination…an experience I cant live without…
Sweet Joy
Her eyes…I couldn’t see anything else except her big deep eyes… asking you…. Begging you…holding you…or hugging you…or just telling you I am here waiting for you…where have you been all this time ? that’s what I felt exactly when I saw her…I didn’t see her body…didn’t see her hair or her face…just her eyes…. Though the place was very crowded…very very crowded…its Saturday night…Always the Beach club is crowded on Saturdays.. the music is loud …very loud…as I can remember the band was playing a very good song …Under your Spel for Shakatak…the band was good…its my first time in this place…Oh I know …yes I know…the music were floating around carrying me away while I didn’t see anything except those sweet eyes….I felt attracted to her…I felt very happy…maybe I was starting to get drunk too…I had no idea….but I enjoyed every second of it….
The beach club is a very nice place in KL…. It’s a pub or a night club or both…you cant define its style…it has its own style…unique…crowded…always crowded…even though there are many night clubs beside it and in front of it across the street…but all are empty and everyone goes to the Beach club… I said it has its magic…I have been in KL for the 5th or the 6th time in a row but I never been to this place before…Today my friend invited me to see it…and I think I was on a date with my destiny…
I followed her with my own eyes… she was still not far…with her friends..she had many friends with her…all were dancing…I loved her teeth..the way she was talking and dancing…moving her head and her arms…….to my great surprise I noticed that she was stealing looks on my direction…she was following me with her sweet deep eyes….each time my eyes caught her eyes looking at me she pretended that she was talking to her friends… but I noticed a sweet small smile on the corner of her mouth…as if she was happy to realize that I were following her….and looking all the time in her direction too….
“Hi…” I was able to say it to her after I had collected the whole courage I had inside me…. Tried to make my voice heard because the music was loud and her friends were talking and laughing…at the same time afraid lest she gets shy and don’t answer my greeting…
“ Hello…” I got it back… with the widest smile I ever seen in my life…the teeth were shining…didn’t know why I wished to kiss those teeth at that time…the effect of the drink I guess…I forgot all what I tried hard to remember to say to her to start a conversation….
“Are you ok ?” she said smiling and moving her sweet small head when she saw me unable to talk…
“ Oh yeah …I am ok…” I said trying to cover my confusion with a smile….
You aren’t from here are you ? she said…
Oh no I am not ..I am American….
Oh I c…I figured it out cos you look different… and she laughed a very sweet laugh I thought my heart jumps…
And You….?
I found myself following up in order not to look dumb…
Oh me…? And she laughed and one of her friends interrupted talking to her…
Oh yeah …why do you want to know ?..she said with a bigger smile…teasing me…
Well if you don’t like me asking its ok…I am just asking cos you don’t look like Malay too : I said…
Let me get you a drink…she said…your glass is almost empty…
Oh no thank you I get two drinks for both of us… I said trying to find a way to the bar… to which after a few moments I found myself and her stuck in the middle of the crowd in front of the bar…. Thanks God to a British guy who gave us his place….
I feel the warmth of her body touching my body…though she is a bit shorter…but her perfume was carrying me away…. Guess it was Aigner cos I asked her…. Yes it was Aigner Black…hope you like it…she said smiling…oh God her face is so close that I even feel her breath… on my neck…when she tried talking to me…1 st time in my life I love the crowded places…and I thank Jesus that there is only one small spot for both of us…hoping that will last all night long….
Her hair was brown, short on her neck… she was wearing a very tiny diamond earrings…a white golden chain with her name written on it…. Joy…. What a name I said to myself…wearing very soft make up..you couldn’t see unless you were so close to her like me at that moment…
Silence was meaningful at that time…both of us felt that we don’t need to talk…just feel the heat of our bodies… my breath on her hair…her breath on my neck… I found that her right hand was holding me from my back…clinging to me lest she fell down or to creating for herself a space inside me becos there were no space…I was holding her close to me to keep the crowd from harassing her unintentionally…Suddenly she put her drink on the bar and found her hand searching for my hand in the dark…in the crowd… she hold my hand… in her hand…her fingers mingled with mine… God …I like this girl… she is so sweet…so clean…. There was something about her…telling that she is full of love…lonely…waiting for someone to give love and to take love….
Do you often come here to this place ? I found her asking me…whispering in my ears…
No …its my 1 st time here…
Oh me too…I had never been here before…busy all the time to finish my study…. just today its my Birthday and my friends invited me to celebrate it….and Guess I am lucky…
Oh …happy birthday to you sweetheart… its my lucky day not yours cos I have met you…
I said….to which I found her putting avery small shy kiss on my neck …
And it was..really …my lucky day…She forgot her friends…I forgot mine …we just didn’t want that night to end…till we found the place was closing 3 am ….Since that day…Joy Birthday…we started a very beautiful love story…
And that’s why the Beach club has its own place in our hearts…..
Memories of Istanbul...what a city
This is a real story that happened to my best friend... I put it exactly as I saw it and as it happened...
What a start...
I arrived in Turkey at 11 pm at night....was surprised that at Istanbul airport no one is asking to check my luggage though I didnt have any except one small bag full of clothes...a book and a diary.... most of the immigration officers were gathering in one place talking and having fun except a poor guy who stamped my passport....its not like any other airport I have seen before...what a beginning....I got a taxi...drove me to Istanbul...the city of tobacco and women as I have heard abt it before....its cold though it was mid October...the road is almost empty....I have only 500 dollars in my pocket dont know are they enough or not and till when...the hotel was cheap the boy on the front desk seems sleepy or he doesnt like me or he simply doesnt care abt work...he just throw the key and asked for money....what a start...although the room was clean compared to the price... I couldnt sleep thinking of the small sum of money I have...is it enough or not...how long does it gonna last....What am I gonna do after that and asking Jesus not to leave me....and there is another reason took the sleep out of my eyes...a couple in the next room were making love...it was nice at the beginning to hear them till they started to fight....at first I thought they are fighting because the male didnt pay or paid less than the price she wanted till I heard this sentence...."you are nothing"..."you are supposed to help me cum not you cum first and leave me like this..now what I do ? play alone and u cant do it twice !!"...what a life....Sooner than I expected the morning had come and being tired and unable to sleep ,I thought to go looking for fresh coffee...better I guess....the city is beautiful...no one can speak English...many foreigners...lots of foreigners and foreigners and foreigners....Russians are everywhere...in the streets...inside the shops...even inside my pocket....I asked the man who is sitting next to me at the cafe drinking tea in a very small glass...I was encouraged becos his features doesnt look like Turkish....he told me that Istanbul has 6 million Russians living and working here...wow..where are the Turkish...? and what are these Africans doing here...are they tourists...? I asked my neighbour..using his generosity to talk...cos I saw many africans ...he answered...Oh these...they are waiting for any boat that can take them out of here….Oh my God…Boat…!!!
planning a journey ..
....after spending a whole week in Istanbul I decided ...to go to Europe...where I dont know yet...since my search for a job gave my no outcome here I better move otherwise I am gonna starve...but how...the money is getting less day by day and one day is gonna finish...so I better move thats what I said to myself...move where...or do what.... I have no idea...I went to the cafe I used to have my morning coffee to see the old friend..we became friends now since he saw my face every day I guess... After hi and hello I offered to buy him tea in his small cup and after drinking his tea I started to ask him to help me to go like other people who are going to Europe...his face was shining when he heard that and he was happy...I thought to myself Oh God he wants to make business...lets wait and see...after making a few calls from his old cell phone...he said yes its done there is a boat leaving after 12 days u better be ready....Ready to go...yes I am ..thats what I said...No,ready with your money.., it was his reply...in a very low shy and frightened voice I asked...How much? 3000 US dollars and this is only becos u r my friend....Jesus man I dont have that money...You got to help me....I said in disbelief... well since you dont have no need buddy..u just stay here...that was his cold reply...seeing the sad look on my face...he turned his back to me and continued drinking the tea I have bought for him....then suddenly he turned to me...How do you say you dont have money and you are wearing a Rolex..lets go sell it and we find a solution...he means my watch...oh yeah I have forgotten that watch..from the old good times before Time changes and life gives me her back...and since he got it and put it in his pocket I couldnt object ..I just followed him....hoping it will solve my problem or he will give it back to me since I dont know how to fight...at a place called Beyazit...he managed to sell my watch- which cost me lots- for only 700 USD...not listening to my objections and refusal as if I have nothing to do with this whole thing and as usual I just accepted since I dont and cant do anything to change the situation...he put 200 USD in his right pocket for himself and he put the other 500 in his left pocket for the man who will send me toEurope as he said..and gave me nothing.....I am afraid to talk...afraid to ask...afraid even to think how are the 500 gonna take me to Europe while he said before 3000... lets wait and see...I hope he wont get them all and leave me here...this money can help me to survive another month here.....even my visa is about to be finish after 4 days...."Dont worry Buddy"..thats what he said...when I had the courage to ask him..." I will convince him to help you,he is my friend"...ok I said..preparing myself for the worst....How about my visa....? "Visa...what visa and he laughed..." My friend..he continued...you wont need the passport to go there...we even can sell it if you want...Oh no not that please God...I dont wanna go to jail... he laughed at me when he saw me panicked....The man is a big boss thats what he called himself..he is a guy from Romania..living in a very good hotel...surrounded with body guards and two pretty young Russian girls...wow..what a lucky one ...After too many yelling and negotiations between my friend and the big boss..he agreed to help me to go to Europe on the promise I will arrange more money....and of course I am not the one who promised..cos I was so afraid that I couldnt even open my mouth...but my friend did thanks to the 200 USD in his right pocket...I felt there is a hope when I saw my 500 goes deep inside the wallet of the big boss....there is a way Daniel...just trust Jesus thats what I told secretly to myself.... on the way back to the cafe my friend ,by the way his name is Abdel Qader patted me on my back and invited me for lunch,well at least I take something from the 700 he took from me...I ate a lot as if trying to get revenge...and wondering how am i gonna bring more money for the boss as my friend promised...asking him..... he smiled and said dont worry abt that...all will be alright...Ok my friend as you say ....
the journey continues....
."Pls dont do this to me....I am the one who made all this money...you cant just take it all and leave me like this...even my car u asked the dealer to take it..." I was talking to my x gf when the door was knocking....Oh God ..where I am...Oh I am in Turkey..and that was a dream....Thanks God...slowly I dragged my feet from the bed to open the door...still the bad memories of my past life hanging on in my mind.... I saw Abdel Qadir..." whats wrong " I asked." You have to come with me the boat is leaving tomorrow and you better stay with the whole people in one place provided by the big boss" he said. beforeI even say yes or no I found my small bag in his hand and I am running after him downstairs....inside a fan running through the streets of Aksarai....going where I dont know....the car stopped in front of an old high building supposed to be an hotel as the board on the front door said....we entered...yes it was hotel...except it has no customers...only the customers of the big boss and me...many Africans are there...children,women,young men,old men...there are Lebanese...and syrians too...some Iranians.....and the poor me..standing helpless dont know what to do...."dont stand up there"..I heard someone talking to me...ok what am I supposed to do now.... a question I got the answer to it at once...you go share a room with these guys...find if there is a space you can sleep for tonight..... Well my old hotel was better .but its ok Daniel..be patient...its only a night....Well the people were friendly ..each one is talking and offering his experience and is life story....some were here for more than a month now...some are for 2 weeks and i am the newly fresh one....How if I am staying long like these people...I am gonna die..especially my money is about to finish...thanks God I said to myself.....That is Yousef -he means Joseph- pointing to a fat short guy with a baby face...continued my friend,..Yousef is the one you are gonna stay with him and he will be your guide...he has been to Europe many times before....well thank you I let these words slip out of my mouth unheard...as if I need a guide...thinking is This Yousef snoring at night or not when we share the room....asking Jesus secretly to stand by me...wishing that I can go home..I dont need Europe,I dont need all this stuff...as if I am living in another new world to me..who are these people...what am I doing here....only one thing stopped me from running away, my enemy...the money...Yousef proved to be a nice guy has sense of humor..even his snoring is not that bad...Oh God what happened to me...I used to wake up on any tiny noise but with this music streaming out of his chest...I slept like a dead man ....Isaid to myselfnext morning ,I need to buy Marlboro...thx to Yousef my stock had already finished...so I went down to a small kiosk in front of the hotel across the street...I asked for cigarettes and asachet of Nescafe..the man was looking at me as if am unable to pay....after he saw my money he became friendly...asked me about my whereabouts and what I am doing here/to which I replied that I really dont know....Suddenly 'Mr...Mr..." I looked at him surprised.."Yes...".."Come inside here Mr..quick' come.."...by instinct and because of his high tone I obeyed...and I saw one of the biggest surprises in my life....across the street...in front of the hotel ...there are three police cars... followed by a very big truck....like a bus...." Whats going on here...what happened " I asked the man,..." just wait and see and dont go out now...you are lucky Mr." I didnt understand anything...but soon the picture became clear....out of the door of the hotel...all the Africans,and everyone was inside...had been captured by the police....it was a raid on illegals....Oh God..what will happen now ,My money...I said to myself....and sooner than I expected the hotel was closed according to the orders of the police...and an officer stood still in front to prevent anyone from entering and to catch anyone thats left....and here the last things I own ,my clothes,my bag and my book are gone forever and I was left in the streets of Istanbul...without even money to go to another hotel...viva Istanbul....I said to myself dragging my feet along the street had no idea where to go or what to do.....
Friday, August 25, 2006
Lina
.Sam was a nice guy and still he is… tall like an oak tree…strong like a bull..gentle as the morning breeze…when he talks you like to listen …when he smiles you just cant take your eyes away from his teeth… I like him and I really enjoy my time whenever he drops by to say hello or take me to have coffee or just hanging out at any local bar…which was exactly happened last week…
"Where do you wanna go tonight buddy? "...
He said in a smile never left his face…
"Wherever Sam just find us a nice place since you know the city here better than me..I replied while I was changing my clothes…
"Ok lets go to Carniege.. " He added
Carnieg is a nice small pub was full of foreigners…few Malays and some Chinese…we sat down on the bar where I ordered Gin Tonic and Sam as usual started with his Whisky Coke…the music was nice ..playing Jazz ..I don’t remember the singer but the song was nice..I guess it was ( Just the two of us )... The lighting was a bit dim but it was ok…I liked the atmosphere and the place seemed nice… A Chinese couple were dancing in the far corner and seemed they are deeply in Love…other than that the night was young still
I saw her smile …wide white teeth…small lips…a very small face and a small body … she didn’t seem to belong here… sitting at the far corner of the bar…no drinks in front of her..her clothes seemed normal just jeans as I remember ...not even belonging to a place like here…
"Hey Sam…have a look at that girl over there…yeah yeah the girl who is looking in our direction…"
I pointed to my friend who was busy swallowing his drink and when Sam starts to drink ,nothing can stop him..
"Yeah what about her ? "he said…
"Dunno man…isn’t she too young for a place like here"…I said….
Upon which he looked at her again and said "
yeah I guess so..maybe she is the bartender daughter or his young sister…"
"Oh maybe "I said and we went back to our drinks…
I saw her coming 15 minutes later… in our direction…avoiding to have a complete look lest she could be the bartender daughter as my friend said I just turned my face away…
"Hi.."it was a shy hi which I heard from her shy lips and her face was red I dunno becos of the light or becos she seemed to be very shy I was not sure at that time..
"Yes Hi "I said not sure was it ok or what I was supposed to do….
"Can I sit down here ? "
"Sure go ahead, "I said
She sat down on the next stool looking around I don’t know why she reminded me of a school girl about to make a mistake and looking if her mom were around…
As far as I remember she was trying to start a conversation but I guess she didn’t know how…looking …moving her lips…then sank again in her chair saying nothing…
"This is John and my name is Sam ,we are friends…How are you," said my friend Sam with a smile on his face…
"My name is Lina", she said in a very low voice as if the words were too difficult to get out of her mouth…
"Hi Lina…nice to know you…what do you like to drink," continued Sam
"Nothing,No thanks.".she said..
"Are you waiting for someone here,? Are you the bartender sister ? "said Sam…
All that I was watching..trying to put a smile on my lips cos I thought if I didn’t look friendly maybe she would cry or something or get scared…
"...No,..." she said..
"No ? So what are you doing here?" I said.. couldnt hold myself anymore
"Emang kenapa ?she answered me in Malay..meaning why ? .oh she seemed offended..
"Nothing ...just asking ,..let me give you a drink.."I insisted .
"Ok..if they have orange juice or milk cold milk pls.."she replied to my complete astonishment…
We looked at each other ,me and Sam and a surprise on our face…
"Get Milk for her..buddy"said my friend trying to hide a big cynical smile on his face…
"Hey….Robert… "my friend called at the bartender.."Do you have Milk here? "
"Yeah sure..but for whom?" Said Robert smiling…"is it your bed time Sam? "He continued with a big smile on his fat lips and I remember quite well that almost all the people around the bar started to look at us..
I asked when she started to finish her glass of milk…
"You aren’t from here ,are you? "
"No I am Indonesian.."She said....while I was looking for tissues for her to clean her lips from the traces of the white milk….
"oh thats why you speak Malay…I thought to myself
"What are you doing here? And if you don’t drink Alcohol why are you at bar?"
I said in a low voice hoping she wont be offended again with my questions which she didn’t
"I work here? "She said
"Here where?in the bar ? "I asked..
"No not in the bar but I hope I can work.. "
"Work what ? are you looking for a job 11 pm at a bar?".I exclaimed…to which Sam's face turned towards us and started to get interested in the conversation
"You mean you are a night girl…?"said my friend..
She kept quiet for a while then she raised up her face and moved her head up and down in approval…
Jesus Christ…I thought to myself…"How old are you Lina? " I asked
"I am 17 ? "
"What?? "Both of us ..me and my friend said in one voice..
"Yes if you don’t believe I can show you my passport…"She said innocently still moving her head… puling out her passport from her jeans back pocket
"Ok Lina "said my friend ..You are 17 …for how long have you been doing this kind of work ? "
"First time".....she replied innocently
"What…???"I said almost falling off my chair…"Then why do you do it? You are still young for God sake…."I said
"Mr…I came here to work in a restaurant as my agent said…" oh no the tears started to pile up in her eyes.... but she continued...".She paid money to my family .. and I came to work and pay her back because we need money you know…but when I came her she asked me to work like this…the resturant was a lie..." she answered honestly….dont know if its true or a lie but her face and the tears said she was honest as far as I can recall
She went on.."If I couldn’t find a customer and give my agent money in the morning she will get angry with me like what she did the last three days …I dont know what to do ?"
I was completely out of my balance…the girl is so young…she is still a child for God sake..she doesn’t even know how to have sex…
If poverty is a man I am gonna kill him even it is the last thing I can do in my life..Oh God how much I hate money…
Life never gives you all what you need… it’s a naughty woman…pulls you closer…closer then when you feel that you are about to own it,she kicks you away…teasing you…You surely can call it, cheating you ,definitely you may name it, but it’s the system and its going on since our grand grandfather Adam put his big feet on our beloved Earth…
Sunday, May 07, 2006
Dreams
Little dreams…nice dreams…nightmares…hot dreams…or just day dreams…all are blessings…they drift any mind away from the bitter reality to a different world…even if it is for minutes or moments or fractures of a second… less or more…they are powerful ..sweet .or hilarious…I love to dream…I love dreams a lot but of course not the nightmares…where I wake up in the middle of the night sweating…and unable to breathe…sometimes dreams can be wishes for a better world…for example. .I dream of many things and wish they can happen
I dream that I wake up in the morning and find no urgent bills
I dream of a fat bank account seven or eight digits
I dream of someone bring me breakfast in bed though I don’t even remember that I usually take any breakfast…its just black coffee
I dream that nobody knocks on my door
I dream to stay away from troubles
I dream that I can be able to stay away from women becos I am damn love them so much
I dream to see a very big smile on kids faces
I dream of a hospital that’s clean and doesn’t have patients
I dream of being able to say what I like and what I don’t like without being afraid
I dream of walking naked under the rain
I dream of switching on the TV and there are no bombs exploding killing nice young people and destroying lives
I dream that I can stop dreaming cos it hurts me when I wake up
But can I ? I don’t think so… so lets dream and live our dreams…even if they are just wishes…they are for sure better than the real disgusting world we are living in
A Day at Work
“Good Morning doc” She said adjusting her white blouse and looked confused and shy
“Morning,pls have a seat” I said … I looked into the file trying to take my eyes away from her face in order to help her overcome her shyness and looking for her name and data….
“Your name is Devi,right” “How are you Devi’ I said
She tried to talk but the words were not coming out just little weak whispers saying that she wondering what was she doing here or why did she came…
Ok Devi,lets say you are 22 years old right”
“Yes”.she answered with her face between her knees…
Ok Devi…just tell me what can I do for you…I said trying to get the words out of her mouth…
“My boy friend…” and she stopped.
“Whats wrong with your boy friend? “I asked starting to lose my patience…I am at the beginning of the day and lots of patients are waiting and still have another hospital to go to…
“He is sick”…
‘So,why didn’t he come” I said,”if he sent you to book for him you could have done this at the nurse’s office.”
“No, I mean…” her face was very red reminded me of the tomatoes fruit
Huh”and…
“He made me sick” and she stopped with her tears popping out of her eyes
“I am vey sick…I am afraid …I am very afraid…pls help me“ she whispered
In fact I don’t understand anything..I am orthopedist …my work is connected with bones and as far as I can see no broken bones,not even x-ray in her file and what the heck is my relation with her boyfriend
I don’t understand” I said
I know you are a foreigner right?
Yeah so”
I know they have open mind and they don’t get shy or think bad about people”she continued
Yeah so”
I am very sick..here..” she said moving her head pointing to her sexual organs
Oh” Isaid completely out of balance…” U know that’s not my speciality Devi,Why don’t you go to another doctor” I said starting to get frustrated on the lost time
I cant” they told me you are a nice person and you can help..I am shy to go t an local doctor they will think I am bad…” oh now I see why she didn’t tell the nurse anything
Ok Devi,just listen to me….whatever you have I cant help you with it,you must see anoher doctor…” I said
No,pls I don’t want pls,” she started crying
Now I thought to myself…I am in the middle of a human tragedy…if I throw this girl out of the door she will never see a doctor maybe….if I try to help its against the ethics of the job and I don’t think I can..so what am I supposed to do…
Ok Devi…just wait here and I will ask the nurse to come in “ I said trying to run out of the room
From the nurse’s office I called Dr.Maria a colleage and a gynecologist to come save me from this situation…
Ok Devi” you go with Dr.Marie she will see whats going on and you will come back to me…”I said trying to comfort her and assuring her that I am still with her…but her silent eyes telling me you have betrayed me...I tried not to look even in her direction...what else can i do
A few moments later my phone rang while I was getting ready for the 3 rd patient…
Hello”…it was Dr.Maria voice….”You wont believe that” she said…” why whats wrong?...I said
The poor girl has Chlamydia” Maria said
Oh God”I thought to myself…she is still so young…what kind of boy friend she got ....
“These people don’t know how to use condoms” its very bad and the poor girl is panicked” continued Dr.Maria
Well what should I say.... a beginning of a human disaster was about to start
to all of you
To all the girls I've loved before
Who travelled in and out my door
I'm glad they came along
I dedicate this song
To all the girls I've loved before
To all the girls I once caressed
And may I say I've held the best
For helping me to grow
I owe a lot I know
To all the girls I've loved before
The winds of change are always blowing
And every time I try to stay
The winds of change continue blowing
And they just carry me away
To all the girls who shared my life
Who now are someone else's wives
I'm glad they came along
I dedicate this song
To all the girls I've loved before
To all the girls who cared for me
Who filled my nights with ecstasy
They live within my heart
I'll always be a part
Of all the girls I've loved before
The winds of change are always blowing
And every time I try to stay
The winds of change continue blowing
And they just carry me away
To all the girls I've loved before
Who travelled in and out my door
I'm glad they came along
I dedicate this song
To all the girls I've loved before
(Willie Nelson)
Saturday, April 22, 2006
my last trip to KL
Day 1
I have arrived in KL by 1.35 pm…all is ok….after talking to the hotel reservation at the airport I decided to look for an hotel by myself…which seems a bit hard because KL is always crowded.. taking KL express to DOWNTOWN I stepped out at Central station paid 17 MR to get a taxi to go look for an hotel…the taxi driver was very helpful and Jesus helped me to get a nice 5 star hotel called ????( for security reasons to allow me to stay again)…Room 809….where I paid 1000 MR as a start and down payment as they called it...the hotel seems promising….the room is fine and all is ok…being here is losing the ability to sleep….I love KL and I don’t wanna lose the time by sleeping….
Changed my clothes after a very good shower decided to go out to the Bintang Walk at KL Plaza….streets are very crowded…beautiful city ,pretty girls ..and very nice view…having dinner at Opera it was lamb fillet, Red wine followed by Almond coffee…the night looks promising…I walked a while through the Bintang walk which means the road of the Stars and decided to go see Reda at SegaFredo….He was there and we talked a lot smoking sheesha and having lots of fun…
Finished chit chat with Reda around 1 am headed back to the hotel…. I decided to have FULL body massage and sex if possible… and it was as if all my dreams come true….What a life…..I called the guy at the Spa he said that I have to go down to choose a girl among many girls he has…so I went down and after seeing around four girls I decided to take a Chinese girl…she is pretty but I liked her becos of her small nice body..We headed to the room…the blow job was fantastic and getting a shower we started to have sex…her sex is very good,she orgasmed twice but I couldn’t…I don’t Know why…maybe becos I am tired and haven’t slept for two nights …I don’t know…anyway I asked her to go and I slept…
Day 2
I woke up at 9.30 decided to run to the Indonesian Embassy….after having a quick coffee in the lobby to wake up completely I took a cab and went to the Embassy which for my bad luck was closed becos it was Good Friday…so I have to wait till Monday….it means all this time almost three days are lost doing nothing except sight seeing KL and enjoying the city and living like a relaxed tourist which I enjoy much but makes me a bit stress becos it costs lots of money…….headed from the embassy to KLCC having coffee at Coffee Beans and buying a new local maxis sim card to use in KL cos the two numbers from Indonesia are bullshit and roaming and all the incoming or out going calls are barred…went back to the hotel where I slept till 6 pm….getting up having a shower heading to KL Plaza where I had Almond coffee at Opera….smoking sheesha at SegaFredo and chatting with Reda…lots and lots of pretty girls but useless becos at the end of the night I went to the hotel alone…and slept alone…this cant happen in Jakarta and that was the end of the second day in KL…
Friday, March 24, 2006
To those
who I miss so much till it hurts me....
pls forgive me
I couldnt love you the way I should have..
to the little three precious hearts
I pray God will always keep them
always safe and happy
Stars shining bright above you,
Night breezes seem to whisper "I love you" ,
Birds singing in the sycamore tree
, Dream a little dream of me.
Say "Night-ie night" and kiss me,
Just hold me tight and tell me you'll miss me,
While I'm alone and blue as can be,
Dream a little dream of me.
Stars fading but I linger on,
dear Still craving your kiss.
I'm longing to linger till dawn, dear
Just saying this
Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you,
Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you
But in your dreams whatever they be
Dream a little dream of me.
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
Turkish Shawerma
Me and Sam have lived a life full of good times and bad times…sometimes I believe that both of us cant separate….he understands what I want to say even before I say it…sometimes I know what he wants even if he didn’t say….we share the same room which we rent in a small street in Istanbul….we share the same taste for music and the same restaurant that sends food for us on the promise we will pay one day when things get better….we even like to walk every night from Sultan Ahmed square ( Ayah Sofia) to Beyazet where our Marmara Hotel is located….we just walk.. and walk and we enjoy watching the pretty Russian girls walking and Sam buys the last edition of his porn magazine to masturbate..in the morning…first thing when he wakes up….which he prefers more than women….
“ Hey buddy…where is the man who sells Shawerma….I am hungry “ Sam said in his deep voice I like to hear,…”wait…buddy…he is still ahead”…I replied…that was the same scenario every night….I expected the question and he as usual didn’t wait to hear an answer he knew very well…
Except for this night….Man where is he? Sam said… I looked around searching for the small wooden box on two wheels and a nice smell coming out of roasting the meat which the Turkish call Shawerma…but for my surprise nothing…he was nowhere to be found…” I don’t know man. .Maybe he is sick tonight”…I said…
“ No way…that man is as healthy as a bull,he cant be sick…what are we gonna eat now” my friend commented….ok Sam I don’t know lets go ask that shop where he used to stand next to it selling to the night customers….” I suggested…So both of us went searching for any news about our daily dinner supplier….
“ Mr. don’t ask about that man again please,” the shopkeeper said to our complete surprise…” why” we asked….”what happened” ….the man put ayellow smile on his lips which he hid with a big Turkish moustache…and said..” last night,he was caught by the police and they took him to jail..” “ Huh” both of us said with an open mouth…his smile became wider and said..” Police said that he serves cats meat in his Shawerma and he must be punished…People don’t have any principles” and he smiled…
Oh man….Three months now we were eating every night his meat….No wonder I don’t see many cats around here….I murmered to myself…
My Love
Eka
Having arrived at my hotel at last…after a long day’s work,I was confused..what to eat…I got tired of eating every night in my room watching the Metro news ,understanding nothing out of the Indonesian language…just looking at the news video trying to get anything meaningful out of it…Damn If I can just understand what they say…I better get a shower then go find anything to eat outside better than staying in here..that was my decision…which I carried all along…
With a big smile on his face,the handsome lift boy opened the door for me and I stepped in…two minutes I was in the lobby thinking to go outside looking for food or just eat anything here…then I heard her voice….singing….Tell him..tell him that the sun and the moon shine in his eyes…and whisper….Oh God what is that? Am I in Jakarta or in New York listening to Barbara Streisand…what a sweet warm voice….soon I forgot my hunger…and the idea of looking for food and I followed my legs taking me to the area where her sweet voice coming from….”Welcome to Café Solo Mr,” the waiter said as I stepped upon the few stairs leading to the café….encouraged by his smile and my desire to see whose voice is that..I followed him obediently….unable even to choose where I sit… seeing nothing except the slim figure in front of me singing and spreading the words of love through the air….Oh she is very pretty…wide sweet black eyes….tells you that your are inside….black ebony hair…the dark night becomes shy next to it….sweet delicious smile shinning out of delicious lips telling you that this song is only for you….I don’t see anyone inside the café though its very full and crowded…I just see the small sweet figure of that singer moving and singing the sweet words of love to which Barbar wont find any better to sing her song…Sooner I forgot the whole world,the food,the coffee that lied dead cold in front of me untouched and I just cant take my eyes away from this girl…keep singing baby…go on pls don’t stop…” Oh yes sir,this is Eka…our new singer…she has just started two nights ago…the waiter told me..
From that night,every night you can magine where I used to pretend that I eat and drink my coffee…and it happened…I loved her..yes Sir I confess…
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
the story once more...once more hurt..thx Bolton
I could hardly believe it
When I heard the news today
I had to come and get it straight from you
They said you were leavin'
Someone's swept your heart away
From the look upon your face,
I see it's true
So tell me all about it
, tell me 'bout theplans you're makin'
Then tell me one thing more before I go
Tell me how am I suppose to live without you
Now that I've been lovin' you so long
How am I suppose to live without you
How am I suppose to carry on
When all that I've been livin' for is gone
I didn't come here for cryin'
Didn't come here to break down
It's just a dream of mine is coming to an end
And how can I blame you
When I build my world around
The hope that one day we'd be so muchmore than friends
And I don't wanna know the price
I'mgonna pay for dreaming
When even now it's more than I can take
And I don't wanna face the price
I'mgonna pay for dreaming
Now that your dream has come true
soldier of fortune
I have often told you stories
About the way
I lived the life of a drifter
Waiting for the day
When i'd take your hand
And sing you songs
Then maybe you would say
Come lay with me love me
And i would surely stay
But i feel i'm growing older
And the songs that i have sung
Echo in the distance
Like the soundOf a windmill goin' 'round
I guess i'll always be...
A soldier of fortune
Many times i've been a traveller
I looked for something new
In days of oldWhen nights were cold
I wandered without you
But those days i thougt my eyes
Had seen you standing near
Though blindness is confusing
It shows that you're not here
Now i feel i'm growing older
And the songs that i have sung
Echo in the distance
Like the soundOf a windmill goin' 'round
I guess i'll always be...
A soldier of fortune
Yes, i can hear the soundOf a windmill goin' 'round
I guess i'll always be
A soldier of fortune
Artist:
Deep Purple
Last Concert In Japan
